A lot of you have discovered my blog from following me on Instagram. If you are one of my “real life” (I hate that term, so many of my Instagram mom friends have become REAL friends) friends, you likely know how messy and terrible my divorce was. How co-parenting has been IMPOSSIBLE and how my kids have suffered. It is hard because I can only control things from my end and how I handle situations.
In a perfect world, when two people decide they really shouldn’t be together anymore, they would put any differences aside and do EVERYTHING that is best for their children. They would help each other to succeed in order to make the child’s life better. This means, not being SELFISH and asking yourself if things you are upset over are really worth it in the end!
In my personal situation, I was in a bad place and a bad marriage that crushed who I really was and stole her. I was controlled and manipulated and UNHAPPY. I one day woke up and realized that even though I was a mom of 4, I could do it on my own. For so long, I was so afraid. Terrified to be alone and to parent alone. Leaving was the hardest decision, but the best decision I could have made.
One bad part of it is how it has hurt my children. My ex uses them against me and uses them to hurt me. He constantly throws them in the middle of our personal differences. It has taken a few years, but I have gotten to the point where I don’t let him get to me and more than anything, I don’t let my kids know that he does.
I am going to make a little list of some tips for you guys!
– You really want to take some time into making your parenting plan! Too many days away can be hard on your kids and so can too much back and forth. It is best that you live nearby to keep things easier (my ex moved 3 hours away)
– Remember that schedule changes happen. We are all adults! Rather than forcing your ex to get a sitter, talk things out and see if you can help each other!
– Do NOT talk negatively about your ex! Mine is the worst kind of nightmare you can imagine, but I never tell my kids that! They are starting to see that on their own now. I ALWAYS pump them up for seeing him and tell them how much he loves them when he doesn’t see them. Do you really want a child with mommy or daddy issues? It isn’t worth it! Trash talk your ex to your friends and family, not your kids
– TALK to each other! The best thing for your kids is for you to be able to have conversation. I get that it is HARD, but let it go and move forward.
– Do not hold a grudge. In my case, I dealt with being controlled and mentally abused. It has been hard to forget the things that were said and done. Some people have cheating, lying, drugs, stealing…the list goes on. It all SUCKS. The best way to move on with your life is to let it all go. Things will get better and you will meet someone else, why hold on to the hate?
– Make a good holiday schedule. Sharing on holidays and birthdays is HARD! I have hated it. I finally realized that on these breaks, my ex should have them (if he wants them) since he lives far away and doesn’t get as much time. I try to let him keep them for any holiday he wants. We also do not usually celebrate on the actual holiday or birthday since Payton (LOML, man of my dreams, the perfect partner and role model for my kids) is a Fire Fighter.
I could probably go on and on and on and on. At the end of the day, just do whatever it takes to put your kids first. Be grownups, leave the past in the past, think of your little ones! If needed, go see a counselor, mediator, whatever you need to do. In the end, seeing your kids happy, is all that matters!